Monday, 2 July 2012

Cooking shows, porn style


Keys hung up, briefcase down. Apron off, slippers on. With dinner just eaten and my man now satisfied, it’s time to watch my cooking shows. Watching cooking shows, to me, is like watching porn... with different shows being either hardcore or softcore. Not only does it get me excited, but just as porn gives great tips so do cooking shows give great inspiration.

Nigelia Lawson

Although one would say she can’t cook and that her meals come out of a jar, I personally love watching Nigelia.  Her mere passion for food and her verbal expressions as she cooks is like watching soft porn – it’s sensual and loving.

Gordon Ramsay

No man does hardcore like Gordon Ramsay. Watching his hard hand slapping, swearing and temper is like watching those hardcore S&M pornographies.

Jamie Oliver

Watching Jamie Oliver can be compared to watching a porn that is neither softcore or hardcore – it’s an in-betweener. He’s passionate and caring when it comes to ‘Jamie at home’, but the bad boy comes out in his show ‘Jamie’s Kitchen’.  And to think... if he's that creative when it comes to cooking, imagine how creative he is in the bedroom.

Guy Fieri

Watching ‘Diners, Drive-ins and Dives’ (hosted by Guy Fieri) or ‘Man verse Food’ – another American food show along the same lines, is like watching those overly-done porno’s where there’s either 10 men on one woman or extreme fetishes showcased.  In these extreme cooking shows, the chefs love to serve up a 5kg burger patty drenched in 10 sauces and served with a 4kg chocolate milkshake. And despite these shows making you feel sick to your stomach, most people can’t help but watch.


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