Recipe: Champagne Peaches

Keys hung up, briefcase down. Jacket off, apron on. With black stiletto’s on and a glass of wine in hand, I stand and admire the peaches in my fruit basket. There’s something about a peach that resembles a man’s buttock – its firm, small, round and sometimes is covered in fuzz.  And when it comes to the buttock, it’s all about having the perfect ‘peach bum’.

Ingredients

2 large ripe peaches

2 cups champagne

1/2 cup syrup

1/2 small vanilla pod

3 large strawberries

2 tablespoons castor sugar

1/4 medium lemon, squeezed for juice

1 cup whipped cream

2 large mint leaves

Method

1.       Make a very light incision all around peach skins. Plunge the peaches briefly into boiling water, then into cold water and peel; undressing softly.

2.       Place peaches in a shallow pan and douse with champagne. (The more the better as a little alcohol in the kitchen goes a long way in the bedroom.) Add the syrup and vanilla. Bring to a slow boil over low heat and poach peaches, but do not boil them. The riper the peach, the quicker the poach.

3.       Place peaches and syrup in a cool place, but do not refrigerate. Everything relaxes in room temperature and shrivels when cold – so make sure the peaches are not cooled completely as you want them to be flaccid and relaxed.

4.       Drain peaches, reserving the poaching liquid. This poaching liquid is the same as sex lubricant – it’s like gold.

5.       Wash strawberries; remove any leaves and purée in a blender.

6.       Place in a bowl and stir sugar into the purée.

7.       Stir whipped cream into the strawberry purée and add lemon juice. (Just like every spot on the body needs to be touched during sex, so does every taste bud in the mouth needs to be touched when eating – so the sweet sugar and the sour lemon juice hit the g-spot taste buds in the mouth.)

8.       Serve on round plates or small bowls. Here, size doesn’t matter so if it’s small it’s fine. Lay the strawberry cream first on the dish and then arrange the cooled, but not chilled, peaches on top.

9.       Garnish each peach with a mint sprig. (Lingerie decorates the body and mint decorates this dish.)

10.    Serve the chilled poaching liquid separately in a sauce boat. The poaching liquid fulfils the function as chocolate body paint - it adds sweetness to the experience.

11.    Devour and enjoy. (Although not your typical strawberry and cream dish which is sometimes used during the journey of sex, it still has a sense of sexiness about it.)